THORSDAY THUNDERBOLT: Battling the Trolls of DOMA

Hail and well met, warriors: sit and stay a while. Odinson had originally planned this week to spout off on his hatred of reality television and those who art famous for just being famous, but in like of your Supreme Court handing out two juicy rulings Surly Thor hath scrapped the idea in favor of talking of this week’s events.

One of the great things Surly Thor loves about Midgard is all of thy comedians—entertainment oft missing in Asgard—and one of Odinson’s favorites was Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks once said that life was a choice between fear and love. Today, Surly Thor is proud to admit that love won the round and in a big way. Today DOMA and Proposition 8 were smote and the corpses of their oppression were cast to the ground. Whilst the margin of victory was more than likely not as wide as most would hath enjoyed, ’tis a victory none the less, and for that we should all be grateful. Whilst there is still much work to be done on the state level to make sure the gay community is on equal footing the federal government hath basically stated that it doth not care who doth stick what in where in thine own home. In that thou hast in fact seen history made today.

Of course Midgard would not be complete if, within mere hours of the ruling, the vermin did not crawl out from their holes to attempt to pick at the corpse of their beloved laws. Michele Bachmann, the soon to be irrelevant congresswoman, shocked e’eryone by blurting out something so stupid it did cause several who heard the utterance to bleed spontaneously from their eyes and ears.“Marriage was created by the hand of God.” Now pause for a moment, and wipe the blood away, and lets ponder the two interesting things to take away from this. First, perchance she is unaware marriage was around long before her religion? Secondly, how hard is it for someone in Congress to remember the First Amendment, you know the one that doth talk about how the government shalt not make laws based on a religious preference. Sure, one should not be shocked that Palin 64 (all that crazy Palin taste thou crave but with only 64 brain cells) would forget the rules of her own government, Hel would be more shocking this late in the game for her to start enforcing them.

Rep. Tim Huelskamp, a Republican Senator from Kansas and a virtual unknown in the star studded stupid parade decided to wave a large banner to remind e’eryone Kansas is looking to be a contender in this years stupidest idea e’er contest. Tim did suggest that since DOMA was ruled unconstitutional he should introduce legislature next week to create a federal marriage amendment. With big bold ideas like that definitely look for Tim to fill in the void left by such other GOP heavyweights as Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin. The mere notion to attempt to pass a law that hath already been declared unconstitutional makes Surly Thor question what sort of wheelbarrow is large enough to carry Tim’s balls. Sadly Odinson can see DOMA becoming the new Obamacare with 37 votes to reinstate being cast whilst real legislation designed to better the country collects dust in a corner.

Not to be outdone Rand Paul took the DOMA ruling exactly where e’eryone expected him to, to the land of the absurd. Speaking to Glenn Beck in what was clearly destined to be a straight-down-the-middle, non-biased discussion on the issue Rand decided to try out his curve-ball by suggesting these rulings would pave the way to bestiality. Verily, Surly Thor will wait for thee to look it up, scream What the fuck? for a few minutes and come back. Clearly when every other right hath been given to those who wer’t not fortunate enough to be considered equal under the original Constitution there were floods of factions demanding that animals be allowed the same protections and rights. Sadly the Suffragette Squirrel movement of 1941 was cut short by World War II. Surly Thor hath noticed there really art only two Republican defenses to the concept of gay marriage: either they use The Bible as the crux of the argument, in which case one simply has to remind them that if they want to live in a society where religious law is followed thou hearest Iran is nice this time of year. The other argument is the reduction of love between two humans to the ridiculous by inserting words like bestiality or pedophilia into the marriage debate. Neither holds enough weight to swing the argument in their favor which may be why more and more people art caring less and less and which plows which field.

So whilst Rand and Michele and Tim try to continue to sow fear—fear that their God may go the way of Zeus or Ra, fear their unsubstantiated slippery slope argument may come true, or even just a plain fear that someone out there might be engaged in an act that gives them the willies—love is a stronger force. Fear never offers comfort; fear just sits there to remind thee as bad as it is things will get worse. Love, well in the words of a man wiser than Odinson, love is all thou needs. Rest well warriors knowing the Midgard thou woke up to today is better than the one the day before. Do good things.

As always with love and respect,

ST